That about sums up the PaleoTreats outlook on life. We get where we’re going in as straight a line as possible and we deliver all the energy we can on-target. This may be Greek to you, if it is, follow ol’ G-dubs advice and search the internets (sic). Look for .17 and Chuck Hawks.

Paleo Treats deliver as much good clean energy to your body as efficiently as possible, allowing you to continue on with your caveman life.

On a side note, if you’re into eating Paleo, you probably know that feeding your dog that dry garbage made of corn rejects and packaged in 50 lb increments with a shelf life that outlasts the Revolution…well, you get the idea. Start feeding your dog raw meaty bones and supplement with some good frozen patties. If you were to trade places with your dog, you know he’d do it for you.

Yes, I’m telling you what to do, because you’re probably doing it wrong right now. Now, in the immortal words of BH, Get after it!

A little known fact about Paleo treats; they pretty much won WWII for the Allies. The Axis relied heavily on Paleo treats, using it to fuel the Blitzkreig (normal humans cannot move as fast as the Germans did on PaleoTreats.)

German units quickly eat paleo treats as they roll through Europe

As the Americans island-hopped across the Pacific, they gradually cut off the supply of coconut milk the Axis forces were using to make PaleoTreats to fuel their elite units. Without this vital nourishment, Hitler and his nefarious gang of rogue nations were unable to sustain their onslaught.

A German officer orders Paleo Treats that will never arrive, due to American units cutting off supplies of coconut milk in the Pacific

Once the Americans discovered the closely held secret of PaleoTreats, they immediately scheduled D-Day. In June of 1944, once all the new rations had been distributed, America and her allies pushed forward, beginning a killing spree that lasted the summer, ultimately liberating the quittingest nation in the world and saving the planet in the process.

As a side note: Once Americans were being fed properly on a Paleo diet with PaleoTreats, the number of enemy shot dropped dramatically: Americans got close in caveman style and began pistol-whipping (the new version of paleo clubbing) Germans to death.

Tags: Allied Forces, America, Axis forces, Blitzkreig, coconut milk, elite units, hard hittin’, killing, paleo, rogue, WWII

Terry Tate grew up a small white boy in northern Florida. This first known picture of him shows his haunting scrawniness.

Luckily for Terry, he found PaleoTreats. He remained well under average weight until his late teens, when he first stumbled upon a PaleoTreat while rooting through a dumpster. From his very first bite, he knew he had a new mission: to office lineback.

Here’s a video of Terry’s latest work: